Thursday, November 16, 2006

i walk the earth. i touch the sky. i am an angel, in your eyes.


hang on.

connectivity. connected. wow. what a funny little world we live in- where the mind can out rule the hearts desire to reintroduce those "connecting" factors that make us calm, or ideal.

i am discovering that when aesthetics are willingly altered into an organized, contrived, cohesive reality, all supporting factors of my life fall into place. taking out the dirt reduces the chances of mud in the event it rains. i never knew what it felt like to really be called special. it rocks.

i am still as disgustingly (bordering on being obnoxiously) happy as i was last time i wrote in this blog. i tend to grin at random times. my sincere happiness rubs off... professors, pedestrians, people notice it. i love that.

i am wondering if a day will come when i do not wake up to an alarm, or do not feel the need to jump out of bed and accomplish something as soon as i wake up. i want a legitimate day off. i want to be care free. wait, every time that actually happens i get nervous that there are things i should be doing. because i am a virgo? because i am a freak? i need to calm down.

next tuesday she is coming up here. it is a really exciting, big deal. wonderful for her, great for me. she, he, and i are going out to the country with them. should be an amazing time. [almost] everyone i love under one roof. oh, and food- i love that too. it would be a safe bet to say that i will spill something at some point.

two weeks i have more family visiting. i love sharing my world with people i share blood with. makes me happy.

last night was incredible. not because of what was consumed, what i was wearing (but looked pretty fucking spiffy) but what i got to witness. wait, i was not a witness, i was a participant. it is bigger than any chit-chat conversation or glass of something foreign and fantastic. designer steak on a plate does not equal the food fed to my mind. my mind feels alive.
had a fantastic phone call from a wonderful guy. so glad (yet sad- in a bittersweet way) he is out there, doing well, getting better, so he can hopefully come back here and thrive. or out west. or up north. wherever. probably the best half-hour convo. why? because i felt that he is doing well. we did not mention any conditions or concerns- all constructive. i did something to initiate that. makes me feel like a real friend. i get off on changing lives.

still worried about her. decisions. yes, she is happy. when she juxtaposes our lives it is safe to say that it seems unfair. it hurts me. i remain in orbit with an eye of concern. my hand is out there... reaching. you can take the whorese to water, but you can't make her drink.

saturday i am hosting some people i know from a while ago, mixed with some people i have not known too long, in an apartment i have lived in for an amount of time between the length of those two groups' relationships. rock on. should be a blast.

right now i must go grab some sleep. i hear that doctors are recommending that nowadays. mmm, maybe i will give it a try.

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